One Year Reflections as a Hopeful Adoptive Family

What better way to start this lovely Memorial Day weekend than with some reflections on the past crazy year?!

Last May, hubby and I made the choice to adopt. It was almost exactly two years since we had decided to actively start trying to grow our family, and we were so ready to start a new chapter in our quest for parenthood.

Here we are, one year later. One year more hopeful, one year wiser. It's had its ups and downs. At times it's incredible, other times it's stressful.

Incredible Stuff

• Learning about adoption
• Sharing our adoption story so far
• So many new books to read!
• Meeting other hopeful adoptive parents
• Preparing our nursery (almost ready for our reveal)! Squee!
• Advocating for adoption and teaching others
• Learning from other parents
• Hearing birthfamily stories
• Connecting with other people who struggled to start their family
• Getting closer to each other as we discuss parenting

 Stressful Stuff

• Adoption paperwork 
• The home study
• The waiting game
• Planning for adoption expenses
• Anxiety about profile perfection

One year breakdown

May 2017
While hiking beautiful Taylor Mountain in Santa Rosa, CA, my husband and I waxed introspective over our situation. We'd reached the end to what our infertility treatments could do for us, and the next steps were either pursue IVF, continue organically, or adopt. I'm happy to say that we chose adoption (obviously). We shared our happy news with our families on Mother's Day. You can hear more about our Road to Adoption story in this radio interview.

Taylor Mountain Regional Park

May 2017 - June 2017
We selected our agency and began the application process. The application was very involved and emotional, so it took us both nearly a month to get through it.

July 2017 - August 2017
We did our home study, prepared our adoption brochures and adoption profile.

September 2017
Officially paper pregnant and a waiting family!

September 2017- May 2018
We're still waiting! We have high hopes that 2018 is the year we complete our family, but the average wait time is 18 months, and we've only got 8 under our belts. So who knows?

January 2018
We announced our adoption plans to our wider group of friends and family.

 

March 2018
I started The Adoption Journal as a way to chronicle our family's adoption journey. In just two months, it's morphed into so much more.
 
May 2018
We worked hard to create a beautiful, gender neutral nursery that is ready for personal touches once our baby is home with us and we get to know each other. Cannot wait!

Our nursery "before" picture. Stay tuned for the reveal!

Is there anything we would have done differently?

Not everything has been perfect, but there isn't much I would change. I would have announced our adoption a bit earlier to start our personal networking earlier. I've heard so many stories about people finding their expectant mom through a coworker, distant relative, or friend of a friend. While we we've had a few nibbles, the right situation hasn't presented itself yet, so we're still waiting for our match. I still think we need to market ourselves more, and we will probably start to do so in the near future with a Facebook page.

I also would have employed a professional to do our adoption brochure the first time, rather than spending the time and money to do it once myself, then have A Touch of LA make a far better one.

Today
Our Golden State Warriors play this evening in the NBA Western Conference against the Houston Rockets. They're down 2-3 in the series, and are facing elimination tonight in Oakland. I know that the team is preparing itself for a big night, and that they will give it all they've got in front of their home crowd. We don't have the funds to be in the building watching them, but we will be rooting for them loudly (sorry neighbors) from our comfy couch.

We did splurge on playoffs tickets in 2016

This momentous night reminds me of this Steph Curry quote I've always liked, and I think it also applies to our adoption journey. We're nervous and anxious for our big moment: the moment when we finally get to be parents. But being nervous means we're ready. And we are so ready.

Go dubs!

Debt Free Adoption: Kelly Daniel's Debt Free Scream!

I'm so sorry that I was away for awhile! I got to visit my family for a few days for an early Mother's Day, and have been extra busy at work as my employer prepares for approximately one million software releases this month. 😱 Thanks for sticking with me despite my absence. You're the best!
 

Visiting with my nephew Jaxon - such a cutie!

Today I want to talk about one of the biggest hurdles of adoption: cost. The reality is that it can be very, very expensive to adopt a child. Many hopeful parents have already spent thousands on infertility treatments before deciding to adopt. Even without prior attempts at pregnancy, most adoptive couples can expect to pay between $8,000 to $40,000, according to multiple sources.

Because money is such a big consideration when adopting, and can cause a lot of stress for so many of us, I'm starting a Debt Free Adoption series. This is the first article.

As a hopeful adoptive mom myself, I'm a member of several adoption support groups. Many folks in these groups are stressed about how they will pay the fees that they know they are facing. It breaks my heart to see people taking out HELOCs, using credit cards, payday advances, or personal loans to add the child they've been dreaming of to their family.

I'm a big believer in living a debt free life, and I'm a big Dave Ramsey fan. If you're not familiar with Dave, he's a man whose lucrative multi-million dollar real estate venture collapsed when he was in his 20s, and he found himself in massive debt. Through some really hard work, discipline, and sacrifice, he was able to turn things around, get out of debt, and build another multi-million dollar business without relying on other people's money. And he never returned to those old habits once he got out of that choke hold. After going through all this hardship to gain his freedom, he wanted to help others who were also burning in the hell of financial servitude to lenders. He created a program with seven baby steps to help people get control of their own money, get out of debt, build wealth, and give generously.

Can't wait for step 7! 💜

Bottom line: Dave does not believe in borrowing money. Coming from the perspective of one of those people who did spend thousands of dollars on infertility treatments prior to deciding to adopt (and who did borrow some money for those procedures 😬), I understand that this might sound a little crazy. But you can adopt without debt, or pay off your adoption debt if you already have it. So, how does anyone adopt without debt?!

You can download this chart here.

 
Unfortunately, I'll have to leave you with a cliffhanger on that topic for now, but I do want to share a special story that comes from The Dave Ramsey Show, the sixth most popular radio show in the US. If you're not ready to read The Total Money Makeover or join a Financial Peace University class, I highly recommend listening to the show. You can find it in podcast form on Spotify and iTunes. It's incredibly inspiring and educational. My favorite part of the show is when people come to do their debt-free screams.

Kelly Daniel is a producer on the show, and little did we all know that she has been on her own debt free journey for the past five and a half years. She's also an adoptive parent whose children have costly physical, emotional, and developmental special needs. I won't spoil her family's extraordinary journey with all its ups and downs because it's better in their own words (and wait for that triumphant debt free scream). But I can tell you that there is a lot of emotion as her family celebrates the next chapter in their lives.
 

What freedom feels like!

You can watch their heartwarming story on the recorded version of the show below:



Isn't this a beautiful tale? And look at her amazing kids. Totally worth it.

Stay tuned for more on debt free adoption, including how to:

• Fund raise.
• Apply for grants.
• Apply for tax credits.
• Get assistance from your employer.
• Use Dave Ramsey's baby steps to help you adopt debt free or pay off adoption debt.

I will also share our own debt free adoption story (so far), and hopefully those of other adoptive parents. If you have a story about your own debt free adoption, or how you got out of debt after adopting that you want to share, please Contact Us.