The Waiting Game: Insomnia Edition

As I've mentioned several times (here, here, and here), the hardest part of the adoption process has been the waiting. Cue the Tom Petty. ♪♫♪♫♩

You sang that, didn't you?

For someone of a tenacious nature like myself who doesn't like to sit back and let things happen that are mostly out of my control, it's especially challenging. And let me tell you, it has not helped my insomnia.

This is the point where I have to note that I am not a doctor or psychiatrist, so anything I say below is not intended as medical advice, but is rather my own accounts as an chronic insomniac with some 35+ years of experience. I know, I know how can I have that much experience when I'm clearly only 21? A lady never tells. 😇

Anyway, wrinkles and chin whiskers aside, insomnia is sometimes a side effect of another thing adoptive parents experience during the adoptive process: anxiety. There are a lot of things to be anxious about while waiting, and when we let that anxiety creep over us like the fog rolling in to the vineyards of Russian River Valley, it can start to affect other facets of our life, such as our sleep.

All this fog = great Pinot Noir 🍷

I've always been a rotten sleeper. My parents love to tell me about how, when they were traveling and I was very little, I would sleep between them. I would toss and turn, and kick, and roll all over the place. Meaning none of us got many winks.

When I was still young, I was eating my huge bowl of cereal at the counter (probably Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch--that was the best), and my mom looked at me strangely and said something was off about my face. I slurped my bowl and said nothing. It took her a few moments to realize I'd pulled all my eyelashes out. She was understandably upset, and asked why in the world I would do such a thing. I told her I was bored when I couldn't sleep, so I'd plucked every last one out to bide the time.

I had a very vivid imagination as a child, so the hours spent wide awake often involved fantasies where I was a horse or in some magical land, but other times my wild imagination created scary things that kept me awake at night too. I was convinced that a vampire lived in the attic and was going to use the attic access hole in my room to swoop in and suck my blood. I even moved my bed around so I could use the mirrored closet to be able to see if anyone was sneaking up behind me, but ditched that plan when I realized that vampires aren't visible in the mirror. D'oh.

Childhood insomnia was not so bad though. I could slip into my imagination or sneak a flashlight under the covers to read another chapter in my new Brian Jacques book.

Adult insomnia is another beast entirely. Instead of ponies and princesses, I worry about deadlines, bills, and starting our family.

Here are some things that have helped me cope with insomnia. Again, these are my personal ways of coping with insomnia. Some of them may have medical research behind them, but others are just things to try.

During the day

Yep, you should start preparing for a good night's sleep as soon as you wake up. Here are some daytime habits to help you get some rest at night:

• Socialize. We humans are social creatures, yet we've begun to consider screen time (social networks, video games, etc.) as our social outlets. As someone who works from home more often than not, I sometimes go days without socializing with anyone other than my husband and dogs. Yes, I do talk to my dogs. And yes, they do talk back. Especially the husky. She's a chatty one.
  But there's still nothing quite like physically interfacing with other primates -- I mean humans. Especially as an introvert. I love talking to people. I was in hospitality for 10 years, so I do love chatting and interacting, but boy does it wipe me out. I can crash hard after a day with the family or an evening out with the girls.
• Physical exercise. This needs little explanation, but I think most of us know that this should be part of our daily routine even if you sleep like a rock as soon as your head hits the pillow. This is another one of those things that depends a lot on your own physical needs and abilities. If you're looking for an easy start that includes a way to track your activity, I suggest a FitBit or another activity tracker. Spend a normal day tracking what you normally do. Then, challenge yourself to reach another goal. If your normal day is 5,000 steps, aim for 7,000. Walking is easy for most of us, and you can do it with a friend, a child, or a pet.
  No matter what your physical exercise level, aim to at least a half hour of exercise every day. If you can break a sweat in that half hour, even better. I crash hard after a long hike (my favorite exercise).
• Mental exercise. My friend Quinn Martin and I were discussing insomnia ages ago, and I was saying how I felt I should be exhausted at the end of the day, especially after bartending a busy Saturday night, but then would lie down and be unable to sleep. He asked me a few questions about my other habits, and then asked me something I'd never considered before: "Do you exercise your mind?"  Not that bartending isn't a tough job mentally, physically, and socially, but it does not involve the real mental stimulation that Quinn was talking about. Puzzles, strategy, personal writing; a real mental workout that involves true introspection. I've found blogging can often help me with my mental workout, especially in cases where I am reflective or critical. If you're not into blogging, a personal journal or even a crossword puzzle can help you get your daily mental exercise.
• Get outside. Yes, go outside. Break that airlock on your front door and step away from the office fluorescents. Breathing fresh, oxygen rich air is good. Feeling some sun on your skin is good (with sun protection as required of course).
  I love video games. When I'm really into a game I can play for hours on end without eating, drinking, peeing, or moving. It's not a good habit. If hubby will be back late from golfing and I get the TV all to myself for the night, I know I've got some time to escape into my game (currently playing The Witcher III: The Wild Hunt). But I make sure I get a walk outside with the dogs before I submit to the "couch lock" that gaming requires.
• Eat healthy. This is hard to quantify because every person has different dietary needs and or restrictions, self-regulated or medically required. But eating healthy for most of us usually means less processed, salty, fatty or sugary foods. Basically anything you can get at 7-Eleven is out.
  
• Drink water. There used to be a short segment on my husband's morning sports radio (KNBR!) called A Better Life with Doctor Sanjay Gupta. We would always laugh at these because he would always come on and give some super obvious medical tips. Exercise is good, smoking is bad... that kind of stuff. I feel like I'm giving you that kind of advice here.
  
  Water is good. Dehydration is bad.
  
  The recommended daily intake of water is half of your body weight in pounds. For example, a person weighing 150 pounds should drink 75 ounces of water a day, or 9.5 glasses of water. Here's the math:
  150 ÷ 2 = 75 ounces of water
  75 ounces ÷ 8 ounces (what's considered a "glass") = 9.5 glasses of water per day.

• I give my electronics a bed time. Every weeknight at 8:30pm, I power down my laptop, turn off my tablet, step away from the TV (sometimes sports go late so hubby might still be watching), and put my phone on it's special place in the bookcase, upside down and far away from my bed. Giving my electronics a bed time (at least an hour before my own bedtime), allows me to de-stimulate.
• I don't drink caffeine after 2pm. My mom can drink a double shot of espresso and then fall asleep 10 minutes later. However, I am very sensitive to caffeine, and drinking it too late will affect my sleep. I also limit myself to two cups in the morning.
• I stretch or do light yoga before bed. 
• I read at least one chapter of a paper book in bed before I turn out the lights.

Before bed time

• Don't eat too close to bedtime.
• Drink water.
• Use the bathroom before bed. This may sound like your mother's admonition when you were three, but a bathroom trip in the middle of the night 
• Have a shot of ACV before bed.
• Refrain from alcohol.
• Enjoy some herbal tea.
• Meditate.
• Talk about your day with someone. I've often laid in bed for hours reviewing every interaction of the day, or
• Be creative.
• Try a weighted blanket.
• Make sure the temperature in your sleeping area is just right. I like our bedroom icy cold (sorry sweetie) with lots of warm, heavy blankets to snuggle under.
• Refrain from looking at the clock. Have you ever looked over at your glowing digital clock and done the math? If I fall asleep now, I'll have 3 hours of sleep before I have to get up. I used to stress about this all night. Now I make sure that I'm blissfully unaware of the time until my alarm wakes me in the morning.

I know that there are often prescribed and unprescribed medications that work for some people. I've never wanted to try anything that would incapacitate me in case of an emergency, so I've refrained from trying Ambien or even Tylenol PMs. My doctor did recommend time-release melatonin, but I have not tried it yet. I have tried cannabis (legal here in CA), and it does make me incredibly sleepy, but as soon as it wears off, I'm wide awake again. I suggest trying other methods before resorting to chemical intervention if you can. But always consult your doctor.

I'll leave you with this gem from one of my favorite artists of all time: